Kicking Him Out
by Fates My Bitch
Summary: The Doctor decides that Jack needs to leave so things can go back to being normal between him and Rose. Since he doesn't want to go, he decides to take things into his own hands.


Been watching Doctor Who lately and I wanted to just put this out there.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did the Doctor and Rose would have a bunch of little time lord babies and traveling the universe.

--X--X--X--X--

The Doctor paced around the halls of the TARDIS. Somewhere, he knew that Jack and Rose where having a grand old time without him there. That thought didn't help his mood. He hated Jack. He was always stealing Rose's attention, her time. He didn't like it. Rose was supposed to be his and Jack...

He had to get rid of Jack. Just get him off the TARDIS. Maybe leave a trail of shiny objects or porn leading outside and than fly off. But Rose would make him go back.

He would have to work out the kinks but he might be able to pull it off.

///X-X-X\\\

Jack grumbled in his sleep as someone shook him.

"Jack. Jack wake up."

Blinking he saw the blurry shape standing over him. "Doc? What is it?"

"Come on Jack. I have a surprise for you." The Doctor pulled him from his bed. "Get dressed and meet me in the control room."

Jack quickly got dressed, anxious to get out there. Whatever the Doctor wanted it had to be important. He was still trying to get back into the Doctor's good graces. He had no idea how he had pissed him of but he kept glaring at him and honestly, a glaring Doctor was a scary Doctor. He kept jumping in the halls (on the inside. Him jumping would have totally taken away his sexy air.) expecting him to come out of nowhere and just kill him.

"Alright. What is it?" Jack met him in the control room. He grabbed a seat as the TARDIS started up. "Where are we going?" He looked around. "Where's Rose?"

"Its just something for you. I thought Rose could use the sleep." Jack missed the evil smile and the wicked glint in his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm sure she'll appreciate that."

???Later on a distant abandoned planet!!!

"Where are we?" Jack looked at the empty planet. "What sort of surprise could possibly be here? And why are you walking away?"

The Doctor opened the door to the TARDIS. "Oh. Don't worry. It'll be here soon. We'll be back to pick you up later." Before closing the door he smiled at him. "Have fun."

As he watched the TARDIS disappear, Jack couldn't help but feel like this was not going to end well.

???Next morning on the TARDIS!!!

Rose woke up to find the Doctor happier than he had been a long time. "Good morning Rose. And how are you?"

"I'm fine. You seem much better. No more pouting huh?"

He frowned for a moment. "Time Lords do not pout." But he perked up again. "So where do you want to go today? Should we try a different galaxy or just explore Earth some more?"

"Well, we should probably ask Jack's opinion before we do anything." She didn't notice the flash of emotion on the Doctor's face, annoyance followed by the expression a little kid has when they think they are about to get away with doing something bad.

"Well, I think Jack left."

Rose turned sharply to look at him. "What do you mean left?"

"Just woke up this morning and POOF he was gone. But you know. All things must end. Best not to dwell on it. So where are we off to?" He fiddled with the controls. She was looking for any sort of clue as to what he did. And he would tell her or she would figure out on her own. And he couldn't let that happen.

"Doctor." Rose looked at his back. "What did you do?"

"Me? I did absolutely nothing. Yep. Absolutely nothing." Fiddle fiddle.

Grabbing him by the shoulder she whipped him around, the glare of death that sent chills down every males spine sparking in her eyes. "What. Did. You. Do?"

???Back with Jack!!!

Jack stared into empty space. "Even if the Doctor doesn't want me there, Rose will come back to get me." Silence. "I hope."

The familiar sound of the TARDIS echoed in his ears. The blue box was a very welcome sight. He watched Rose open the door and step out dragging The Doctor out with her. She marched over to Jack, her tight grip on the Doctor's arm forcing him to follow. "Apologize!"

"No!" The Doctor yelled back. "I'm not sorry!" The Doctor glared angrily at Jack. "Nothing has been the same since he came along. He needed to leave so I kicked him out." He shrugged her off and hugged himself, tugging at his coat. "He has to leave and I am not apologizing." He looked like a small child that was being forced to apologize to a sibling.

Jack suddenly understood. "Your jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" The Doctor snapped at him.

"Just apologize!" Rose screamed at the Doctor. "I would like to go somewhere fun and nice and without testosterone!"

He clamped his mouth shut and pouted. Jack smiled and decided to be the bigger man. "Its okay Rose. I don't need an apology. It was actually very nice to be out here. Very peaceful. Very zen." he smiled disarmingly and reached out to shake the Doctor's hand. He ignored it and walked quickly back to the TARDIS. Rose followed right behind him.

"How can you be so immature?! For someone who is supposedly 900 years old you act like a little child!"

They both stomped into the TARDIS and Jack seriously debated just staying on this planet. It might be just a little more pleasant.

???Few days later!!!

Jack was feeling horrible. The Doctor and Rose hadn't talked to each other since they had picked him up. Rose looked like she wanted to talk but kept changing her mind (women and their mind games) and the Doctor, well, he was getting angrier by the day. Slamming things, sulking and pouting. And he kept glaring at Jack.

Jack had snuck into the control room when the Doctor had left it, most likely to go and pout. He tapped on the TARDIS, hoping she would talk to him. "TARDIS? TARDIS could you talk to me?" He let out a yelp as he got shocked.

_What?_

He spun around. "TARDIS? Is that you?"

_No. Its Madonna. Of courses it the TARDIS you idiot!_

Jack looked around. "Cool. I'm talking to you."

_Yes Jack. Yes you are. Now what do you suggest we do about the lovers quarrel?_

Jack pondered this. "I don't know. You know the Doc best. What would make this right?"

_If they could just talk it out it might get better. But I doubt they would. Maybe I could lock them in a room._

"Oh. That would be perfect. When should we do it?"

///X-X-X\\\

Rose nodded her head to the beat of the music, flipping threw the pages of a book. She couldn't risk leaving her room because the Doctor might be out there and they would fight.

The Doctor worked on his newest invention. He had taken a radio, a water bottle and a flashlight and was now attempting to combined them. He didn't want to leave his room because somewhere Rose was out there.

Suddenly though, he felt the room move. He had however gotten used to this feeling. It happened a lot. The TARDIS was always moving stuff and redecorating. But suddenly, someone was in the room with him. Turning only slightly he quickly turn back to his newest project. He mentally cursed the TARDIS for being a meddler. Rose had appeared in room draped across her bed with the fluffy pink comforter he bought her.

It was all she could to not run out of the room. He was in her room! Or was she in his room! It didn't really matter: THEY WERE IN THE SAME ROOM!! Rose looked at the door only to see, that the door had for some reason, disappeared. No exit.

They stood in silence. The Doctor coughed. More silenced.

"So." The Doctor decided to start the conversation. "How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Fine. Trying to get this damn thing working." He fiddled with his newest invention.

"So the TARDIS has us locked in a room which must mean that she wants us to do talk right?"

"Why would you say that?" He snapped at her.

"Oh well I don't know. I'm just making a suggestion!"

"There has to be a reason."

"Fine! Because she's the ship and she move things when she wants to and she wouldn't lock us in a room if she didn't want us to talk!" She threw the book at his head which he dodged. "And your stupid little invention would work better if you just duct taped it together!"

He smiled a little smile. "Do you remember how we fought? On Platform One?"

Rose couldn't help but smile sadly. "Yeah. Everyone was so busy running for their lives no one saw the Earth explode." She stared at the page of her magazine, reminiscing. "I'm still disappointed. And after that, we had chips. That **I** paid for."

Silence once more chocked the room. Finally the Doctor addressed the problem. "Why couldn't we just leave Jack there?"

"Because he's our friend and we aren't going to just leave him somewhere. Even if we want to have things back to the way it used to be." Rose looked slyly at the Doctor. He had no idea if she had somehow developed telepathic abilities or if he was so obvious.

"I know! That's what I was trying to accomplish!" The Doctor threw his hands up in the air. "But no. We had to get him off that rock. Can't we just drop him at some city?"

She got out of her bed and walked over to him. "We have to be patient. You can't just toss someone out. You have to give them little hints until they get it and leave of their own accord." She hugged him and he returned it. A door appeared in the wall. "I guess we passed the TARDIS' test. Don't worry." She gave his hand a squeeze of reassurance. "Everything will go back to normal soon enough."

///X-X-X\\\

Jack found himself alone in the kitchen. "Jack." The Doctor leaned against the doorway looking at him. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to talk to you about your being here."

Jack held up his hands. "I don't want to be abandoned on an empty planet again!"

"No. Rose is onto that trick by now. You," he pointed a finger at him, "are gonna have to leave. Rose is going to start dropping hints but I'm going to just tell you straight out. You have got to leave so me and Rose can have normality back. Best of luck."

And he left, leaving Jack standing there, open mouthed while the TARDIS hummed all around them, happy that soon everything would return to the way it was supposed to be.

--X--X--X--X--

But it never happened.

About a week later a bright light appeared in the console room, pulling them all out and away from each other. Nothing would ever be the same between the three of them. And once again, at the end of it all, the Doctor left Jack behind again. Because really. You can only deal with one traumatized companion at a time.

* * *

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